Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
