You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?