I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Man, jail baloney is awful.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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