I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.