i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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