I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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