So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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