Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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