Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
