i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
