My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
