Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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