Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
