Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
