finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
