There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
only you would photoshop your dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
did i walk over a car last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
