You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
