You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
