I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
