you would pick up someone in the library
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
