so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize