The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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