The maid of honor just puked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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