he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
