I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
