He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
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My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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