I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize