she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
