We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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