There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
