would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
