The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
well you can't waste a boner
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
