distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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