worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i love accidental penises.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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