i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
