There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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