tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
