i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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