I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
