id be glad to
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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