Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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