I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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