shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
