this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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