just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
