I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
