She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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