A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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