You smell like a Billy Joel song
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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