I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
