I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk is a universal language darling
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
