people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
