it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
