thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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