it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
