Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize