He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
