a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
