seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
