ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
its not stalking. its research.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
