Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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