apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
