grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
