She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
