Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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