It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
