i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
