you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
