Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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