Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
