Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
