We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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