The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What drink are we having for lunch?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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