So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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