Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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