she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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