she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
