I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
