You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
