If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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