i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
