You're earring is so big in my mouth
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
