The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
