I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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