Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
barbara walters just said penis...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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