Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He better not be in your backpack
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize